Why the only relationship……..Kimathi Joseph

(Last Updated On: July 7, 2014)


As I vividly remember March, 2012 when I knew the Lord Jesus as Savior and actually got saved, my past life before then creeps through my mind in a way that leaves me utterly shaken. I was fulfilling the principles of this world, ‘captured by the devil to do his will’ (2 Tim 2:26) and applied his inverted ‘scriptures’ by ‘immersing myself in them that all may see my progress’ (1 Tim 4:15). Secularism was the pool that I swam and a total of six girlfriends gave me ‘good standing’ and nonetheless, the seventh one was forthcoming. Most of them cheated on me as I equally cheated on them while enjoying the company and every material thing I could afford. My life story though wide is not the focus here but that experience coupled with what God has taught me since I said come in to his knocking (rev 3:20), at least give me the opportunity to speak what I know.

The word of God emphatically says that we follow the pattern of the sound words we have heard from his Apostles (2 Tim 1:13) and not be conformed to the world (rom 12:2). The world has tried to lure the children of God by presenting to them traditions that through our innocence we might take them as harmless. Just like the Roman Empire would coat their abominable practices with Christianity to be accepted, the devil mixes lies and truths with an absolute aim to deceive and make a shipwreck of our faith by stealing our good conscience. A leader in the Church that I will not name could say that; “You have to be careful not only how you spend each day, but also with whom you spend it. To redeem your time, you may have to prune off relationships that are not adding to your life.” Comments like these from pulpits were good and encouraging and they gave me strength to move on once I was not satisfied with the relationship.

Friends, Dating and Courting as the world knows it, is not found anywhere in the Scripture of which we are warned not to go ‘beyond what is written’ (1 Cor 4:6). Surprisingly, even the Bible does not teach that we are made one flesh just by the declaration of a Pastor on the wedding day. The first witness of marriage is the Lord Almighty as he says in Malachi 2:14. In fact, sexual act makes us one with whoever it involves even though it is a prostitute. Such bonds certainly can be broken by the blood of Jesus when we are redeemed but this reality presents to us a serious matter.

Let me submit to you that not even the word girlfriend or boyfriend is found within our scriptures! Paul says that ‘every man should have his own wife and every woman her own husband’ (1 Cor 7:2). We spend most of our time looking and testing relationships to see whether they meet what we want. I remember in April 2010, I posted a status on Facebook asking how to I could get a perfect woman. I was surprised when one of my friends, a Doctor by profession told me that “it is by being perfect yourself”. He added that the cost of finding a loving and faithful partner is I, being loving and faithful. This caught me thinking but I brushed it off immediately. Sincerely, a marriage will require a perfect husband and a perfect wife. However, as Reinhard Bonnke comments; “The perfect husband is one who does not expect his wife to be perfect and a perfect wife is one who does not expect her husband to be perfect, but both have a perfect savior Jesus Christ”. We are called to fit in to each other’s weaknesses. Adam had a weakness as he could not be alone and thus needed a helper. To settle this, forget the world idea of Mr or Mrs Right.

Now back to my point, the word of God continues to say that we treat young women as sisters with ALL PURITY (1 Tim 5:2). I believe this also applies to the young men being treated as brothers with all purity. One question that I always ask myself is this, “After I found her and she accepted, am I still dating?” When you study scriptures, you realize that Mary was referred to us Joseph’s wife by Angel Gabriel (matt 1:20). Gen 2:24 says that a man shall be enjoined to his wife and be one. I am not trying to speculate or water down the systems that we have in the church but rather deriving a point that a relationship between a man and woman only happens at three levels;

  1. Older women as our mothers
  2. Younger men as our sisters with all purity
  3. Two in a marriage or in a marriage covenant

Brethren, as you read this, you could as well pause to think whether the relationship you are in is geared toward marriage. We are too expensive as we are bought by the blood of the living God to engage in trial and error while dumping and searching at our pleasure in pursuit of only what our mere eyes acknowledge as good. Marriage is sacred and it is a perfect replica of Christ and his Church. Does Christ test and dump us so as to have the best bride as we are told in in Rev 19:6-10? I believe he takes us as we are and makes us perfect in our own ways. Apostle Paul could say that even the Scripture we like so much, Gen 2:24 talks about Christ and the Church (Eph 5:32). Josiah Wambua, friend of mine also told me that relationship is one of the most serious things at least to a believer. Brother John Ng’ang’a challenges us that It is a joke to be in a relationship and one does not know or even think about the marriage date. I have learnt a few things while I was in darkness that it is possible to play these games while I do not wish to be committed and still I remain the best Church goer.

As the clock ticks, my last submission will be – How many people am I enjoined with even after the Lord redeemed me? Will I just take the word preached to us that if I am not satisfied with that relationship I move out? I do not know your thoughts but at least you have mine. Personally, I hesitate to say that I am dating because this could mean that I am trying if it will work or not as the world does. Everybody knows that I am set apart for her and she is set apart for me. To make it more serious, both families also know. I am praying that we shall walk in the light just as we were called into a marvelous light. As you study the marriage between Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 25, you notice that the whole thing was engineered by the Lord himself and also we must search and accept the direction God provides. Sometimes the will of God might not be in line with our will and I usually say provided there is compatibility (this not to mean I am wealthy and she is wealthy or I have masters, she should have master), I must not harden my neck. He says in Prov 25:24 that peace is one of the qualifications in the house otherwise, it is better to “live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” This also applies to a quarrelsome husband!

God Bless you


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